Fans Only

I am hot and sweaty most of the time. During the last two years I could minimize the unpleasantness of constant hotness by staying home and lying still. But this month I’ve had to leave the house and be amongst humans. I have to seem out new ways to stay cool so I’ve been experimenting with portable fans. Here is my consumer report.

The Traditional Folding Fan.

I got this in Chinatown last summer but I have many folding fans stashed in different bags and purses.

Pros: The most fashionable fan: goes with anything and doesn’t require batteries.

Cons: Not hands-free. Of the five fans tested, this provided the least cooling power yet uses the most exertion.

Hand Cranked Personal Fan

I picked up this hand powered, panda decorated personal fan at the Dollarama.

Pros: Cheap. Provided the third best cooling. Does not use batteries which will come in handy when society collapses.

Cons: Not hands-free. Requires a lot of exertion which can lead to working up a sweat. Loud, which can give away your position when society collapses.

Convertible Personal Fan

Another Dollarama Find. This battery powered baby came with a stand which also attached to a necklace so you could prop it up on a table or wear it around your neck fir a hands-free experience.

Pros: Inexpensive. Was a lifesaver on my recent trip to Indianapolis, where the temperatures hit 30 degrees Celsius in May.

Cons: Cheap. The hands-free necklace attachment never really worked. It is also loud which makes it okay for placed like the subway or the Indy 500, but not quiet spaces like libraries. And despite the cage around the fan, my hair still got caught in the rotors a few times. Batteries sold separately.

Candy-Filled Fan

The last of my Dollarama fan purchases, this bear-shaped gadget is clearly meant for kids.

Pros: Compact. Came with batteries. Handle came filled with candy. Candy dispenser is refillable. Had the second best cooling power. Small size makes it purse-friendly,

Cons: Not hands-free. Candy was kinda gross.

02Cool Fan Necklace

Long story. I was attending the Indy 500 last weekend and one of the guests had a very cool hands-free fan. It looked like an Apple product and directed air like a Dyson. I looked it up online and was thinking about buying one despite the fact that I had just invested in the previous four fans.

I had to go get some bloodwork this morning and by the time I got to the appointment, it was already plus 30 and sweat was dripping into my eyes. Trouble was, I neglected to bring any fans with me (I’m a zombie in the morning).

So I went to Dollarama and purchased the bear fan pictured above. Then I popped into the Shoppers Drugmart to pick up some Diet Coke and I saw a display of seasonal gew gaws including a thing that looked like the device my race day pal had. So I bought it too.

Pros: The best of the lot. Hangs around the neck so it’s totally hands-free. Engineered to deliver breeze to the neck and head where you need it most. Is a pretty shade of pink. The quietest of all of the bladed fans.

Cons: At $12 it was the most expensive. And is battery powered and plastic and might be contributing to all the climate change that’s necessitating the use of fans.