The Reckoning


It’s been a tough week. The COVID thing seems like it’s never going to go away and the whole situation is even more frustrating because people are not only letting their guard down, they are also just turning into the kind of inconsiderate jerks that would not be tolerated even in pre-pandemic times. If folks can’t have empathy for their fellow humans now, I don’t have much hope for them doing anything to address the environmental crisis, address racism, homophobia, economic equality, food insecurity, sexism, and housing insecurity. Not when their priorities are going to the gym, going to the cottage and having maskless COVID parties with 10 other adults on the sidewalk, making all other pedestrians walk into traffic to avoid them. But hey, they gotta break the rules for their mental health.

DMingling with humanity gives me such anxiety that I often turn to shopping for my mental health. It is only a short term dopamine rush because I also feel guilty that I am exploiting garment workers, putting people who work in distribution centres at risk to unsafe working conditions, am contributing exploitative consumer culture, adding to the environmental crisis by buying unecessary stuff, and spending money in a time of economic uncertainty.

I try to buy second hand but with the city again under double lockdown, the shops are all closed. I also want to support local businesses but frankly most don’t offer things in my size. I have made a list of things I cannot buy — ie. Clothes other than tops that don’t have pockets are taboo, and no non-natural fabrics. This tactic has been helpful.

I’ve also been making lists of things that I want to avoid impulse shopping. For example, I got a notice that the Jonah Hill for Adidas chinos that I put on my Christmas Wish List had finally been reduced, I jumped on that train immediately. And the pants arrives today and they are everything I hoped they would by. Of course keeping white trousers clean is going to be one of my greatest challenges (second on,y to not buying things). Wish me luck.

Thinking so much about my wardrobe choices also helped me see that while I love long jackets and cardigans, shorter blazers suit my proportions better. Longer shirts, however, are a better fit for my frog bod. I sent my two of my longer jackets to my sister and am Poshmarking the rest. I will use the money to pay for the blazer and blouse I just bought from the Uniqlo x Jil Sander collaboration. The coat was another item on my Wish List. It, too, went on sale. Because I agonized over hitting the Checkout button, I missed out on getting the dark blue version, but brown works too.

Thanks for putting up with this rambling post. In my head, it was a much more coherent and eloquent piece of writing. Another reason I feel so out of sorts is that I feel out of sorts. I rarely leave the house yet I can’t locate anything. My posts are full of typos. My brain is bursting with creative ideas, but it’s hard to focus on finishing anything.

Now if I just bought a Cat Lovers Against White Supremacy t-shirt, I’m sure my mood would lift.